A few years ago I traveled to Spain on a pilgrimage for 10 days. I wrote a blog for friends and family back home called, “Finding God in Madrid.” You could read it here if you like. Sitting down to write this new blog, I found myself wondering what could I possibly give to the world right now? There are too many mommy blogs to list and I don’t want to talk about diapers and lack of sleep anymore…I deal with enough of that already. What I would like to tell, however, is my own story. The story of an almost grown woman, that spent her early twenties traveling and weaving through career choices like an ADD afflicted bee at a tulip festival. She found love, married, and had four children in four years – give or take a month. (I only realized they were that close a few weeks ago. Not sure how I missed the math on that one, maybe because I had four kids in four years).
God is deeply important, central to who I am. My family is part of me when I wake and when I sleep. My dreams, though…my dreams have gotten away from me. And with them, God has drifted off in the distance. Raising a large family without close friends and family nearby has worn me down. My body and mind have suffered. It isn’t a suffering that I didn’t welcome, it is simply one I had hoped to bare more virtuously. And those who have been disappointed at my lack of levity these last 7 years have communicated my shortcomings loudly and often, but mostly without words.
So here I am, a family of six in the small town of Mt. Angel, Oregon, seeking God again – in the open fields on misty mornings, in the bells from St. Mary or the chants from the abbey, and in the tying of tiny shoes again, and again, and again. God I will find you here. I will find you here.